Drawing up the wedding guest list is a surprisingly challenging task. While you have some guests in mind who you definitely want there, you might find yourself suddenly unsure about others. Perhaps you’re worried about others’ feelings or you’re now reevaluating certain relationships. When everyone else starts adding their two cents, it becomes even more overwhelming.
Don’t let your wedding list cause undue stress. Keep the tips below in mind to narrow down your wedding guest list.
Do the “One Year” Test
Considering how long you’ve known certain people is a very real factor as you decide who gets invited. For guests you’re on the fence about, recall what you currently know about the person. Do you know what they do for a living, or their current interests? Perhaps not having the answers to these questions indicates this person isn’t making the cut.
If you have trouble remembering the last time you saw said person, perhaps they shouldn’t receive an invite. Evaluate your relationship with each guest on a deep level. The relationship with someone you occasionally meet for coffee with or go out for dinner with every six months is very different from close friends you see all of the time. If anything, these guests can always be added to the final tier of invitations after the declines come in.
Trimming the guest list is easy with the “one year” test. Think about whether you’ve seen this person in the last year. If the answer is no, don’t send them an invitation. Will you be sending holiday cards to these guests? Again, if it’s a no, don’t send an invitation.
Hold the Reigns on the Parents
Parents are trickier to manage because for one thing, they’re your parents, and secondly, they likely have their own ideas for your wedding guest list. When you’re trying to stay on budget, they can easily contribute to mounting pressure as you’re trying to round out a perfect guest list number.
Provide parents with guidelines. A pre-set number of invitations at the start of planning can help avoid premature calls to friends and family. It may cause some friction to implement these rules, but remember that their guest list isn’t yours.
The best thing to do is maintain a firm stance. You can always compromise with your parents, allowing them to invite a few of the “musts,” but putting the rest into the last group of invitations.
Don’t Feel Obligated
Don’t feel obligated to invite everyone for cake and wedding festivities. Just because an old acquaintance invited you to their wedding doesn’t mean you need to do the same. If a second cousin invites you to their wedding, you don’t have to invite them to yours. The roommate you haven’t spoken to since college probably won’t be invited either.
Wedding invitations are about more than returning the favour to those that invited you. Again, it comes down to the connection you have with the person—if you don’t feel it’s strong enough for an invitation, then simply withhold the invite. You want to make room for those that will fill your day with the most warmth for your big day.
At the end of the day, it’s your wedding. Only you have final say over the wedding guest list. There’s no need to let guilt and obligation set the rules: focus on fun and festivity. Surround yourself with the people you can’t imagine starting the next chapter of our life without, not just the ones who invited you to their wedding. Once you do, your list will write itself.
